I Hope This Isn't A Sign...

So, Christmas was a great time! I had my family at my house and I got to cook for them. I enjoy entertaining.

I'm officially unemployed now. The last few days at the store were a lot of work and quite sad but it's empty and that door is closed.

New years was pretty laid back spending it with my mom and Amanda at my moms house. We ate, drank, and watched "Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve hosted by Ryan Seacrest" (does anyone else think this is weird?? At what point can they omit the Dick Clark part??).

January 2nd marked a year since we started down this road of trying to get pregnant. Our first appointment was awful! I'm so glad we found a different doctor.

The last year has been mostly good; a little bit of tears, a lot of anxiety, but mostly good.

As I said in my last post, I wired A LOT of money to England to get my fertility medications at a cheaper price than I could get them here in the states. I ordered them, I thought, with plenty of time to get them by January 9th. I've been in contact with them nearly everyday for several weeks. As I last heard from them, I "should" receive them by Friday or Saturday of this week. I need them by Thursday...hm. I will be calling them shortly for an update.

The guy I talk to is the same every time I call. He blames the holidays, he says they don't even have the medications yet. Amanda has called and yelled and cried. I've gotten a big attitude with him. Of course, this isn't going to make anything happen any faster. I should know better. I've been the clerk getting yelled at by a customer for something my warehouse did wrong. Out of my control. Hey, I'm still human.

So, I called my doctor and asked a nurse about this. They have 5 days worth of medications that I can borrow. When my medications come in, I give what I borrowed back. 5 days will bring me through Monday, the 13th. We also are holding onto some money in case we had problems with meds, and have money for 4 more days of meds. That would bring me through Friday the 17th. I'm only taking them through Tuesday the 21st! Is this a sign? Is this a sign that I'm not doing something right? That I'm making a bad decision??

Also, pardon my French, but what the fuck is up with this weather?? This is the worst winter I've ever seen. Conveniently, this is the winter right after I move to Lansing. So I spent the first part of winter driving 40 minutes to work in Durand everyday. For the worst winter ever. Now I have to drive to Ann Arbor about 7 times in 2 1/2 weeks. For the worst winter ever. Not to mention that I've moved into a house and am now responsible for all the ice and snow in my yard. For the worst winter ever. Is this a sign?

At this point, I'm not sure what to do. I've never wanted anything as much as I want this. I'd do a whole lot of stuff to be able to have a baby. But here I am in a couple of positions that I'd like to not be in. Am I supposed to wait another month? Wait through another excruciating period? Wait another month as if I haven't waited long enough??

I'm so upset, so frustrated, so mad at this situation. The truth is, I'd have to get another month of birth control, I'd have to go through another period (I can hardly control the pain anymore!), I hope I wouldn't have to have another $835 water sonogram, and I'd have to wait. Wait some more...

While we were waiting we closed the Ben Franklin door, we tried to get used to being unemployed for the first time since I was of age to be hired, and we enjoyed some home time together as this crazy weather took over Michigan.