It's March!!...

It's March. It's FINALLY March! I feel like I've waited for this month for a really long time. But it's been even harder than I would have ever imagined. It's been one hell of a roller coaster ride.

My (our! including the entire Newman family and all of their family friends) roller coaster ride began at the very top of the hill and quickly came rushing down on February 20th as we learned that Marty, my father-in-law (step father-in-law but I know him as the one who was a real dad for my wife since about age 10), was taken to the emergency room in severe pain. Everyone expressed concern but nobody was prepared for what followed.

On the next day, the 21st, Manda got word that she only had one week left in her job. Our roller coaster flew back to the top of the hill as we learned that she was finally hired for the State job she applied for many months ago. We were so excited! This means a lot for us. It means a solid, steady job. It means a career in a State job. It means benefits. Benefits for Manda. Benefits for me. And even benefits for any children we have. It means a retirement fund. It means that I can stay home while pregnant and be a stay at home mom while our kids are young. (Some people seem to be judgmental about me not working while I'm pregnant. I know for some this is ridiculous, but when they decide to spend more than $13,000 to get pregnant, they will probably be afraid to move let alone be on their feet for 10 hours a day.)

Do you know how difficult it is to be really worried and scared for someone you love and really excited about a new job at the exact same time?! Not easy. It's enough to send your mind into a crazy, spiral, crying mess.

They said it might be cancer. They attempted an operation unsuccessfully. They moved him to Henry Ford in Detroit on the 24th. They performed an operation which after some long, hard days healing for Marty, really seemed to be helpful to him. They also did a biopsy on the masses and blockages on and around his pancreas.

February 28th was Manda's last day at her job. Hectic as she scrambled to finish up loose ends. Crazy as she tried to teach an employee everything she needed to know in only a week. Sad as she loved her customers and knew that she would miss them. Excited as she was about to begin a new leg in life.

Terrified of not knowing how her dad will handle the rest of his life. Marty was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which has spread to his liver. Marty was diagnosed with cancer on his birthday. Marty (unaware) received a death sentence on his 62nd birthday. How awful. How unimaginably awful.

At 2 on Friday afternoon, a party was thrown for Amanda congratulating her on her new job. All day long she went up the roller coaster celebrating her good news, and down again as she thought about Marty.

Fortunately, Marty got to go home the next day, March 1st. His diagnosis remains. It always will. But he gets to be home now. He gets to be with his puppy. With his wife. With his own stuff. His own bed. His own pjs. This doesn't change the awfulness of what he's living through, but it brings a tiny silver lining. A tiny silver lining brought on by the first day of March.

March was originally bringing us much excitement, much anxiety, and a lot of impatience as we await our first appointment of our IVF cycle. We continue to have those feelings but they are coupled with sadness, exhaustion and a different kind of hope. I never thought I'd be praying for a longer, happy, painless life for one person at the same time I was praying for the start of a life for another.

As far as my IVF cycle goes (roller coaster back up the hill!) things are going great! My first appointment is on March 11th, next Tuesday. That's only 5 days away! I'm very excited. Very nervous. And terrified. I'm really looking forward to this next part of our journey. I'll be posting a lot as each appointment will be new information.

While we were waiting we spent a lot of time in the car and at the hospital with Marty, we prayed-a lot, and we experienced the biggest roller coaster ride we've ever had to do.