First Ultrasound...

My last post said my HCG was at 962 on Wednesday. I went back Friday for a blood draw. I had to wait until Saturday afternoon for the results this time. That's just mean!!

Saturday after 4 I got a call. The number was 1603. That's ok, but not double my last number. The nurse that called me didn't have my chart, doesn't know me, and wasn't good at giving me any information. I got very upset, scared, worried that things weren't going well. I was with family so after I cried, I pulled myself back together to help the little ones find Easter eggs. I talked to several cousins and a couple aunts who were so nice, so comforting, so helpful with words of encouragement, words of their own stories that turned out right, and, it just helped make me feel better.

Sunday, several of the people from my moms side of the family got together at PF Changs for Easter dinner. I continued to worry but I did enjoy myself with my family. We talked a little bit about me and my great news but I didn't tell anyone about my concern and our semi low numbers.

Monday finally showed up and I couldn't wait to call and talk to the nurse about what they wanted me to do. I made it to 8:30am, a half hour after they open. I called, told the nurse about my Saturday phone call and she said she'd talk to the doctor and call me back. At about 10 she called back and said the doctor didn't need to do another HCG test because we made it over 1500 but he did want to move my ultrasound up a week, to today (Tuesday). The nurse explained to me that because of the couple of low numbers, the doctor wanted to be sure that the baby wasn't growing somewhere it shouldn't be. He wanted to be sure it was in my uterus, right where it should be.

So today was a long day, waiting for time to pass so I could pick Manda up and head down to Ypsilanti for my ultrasound. We were both very scared, afraid that something was wrong. We have worked so hard to get this far. We want this more than anything.

When the doctor finally came in he was just as hopeful as we were. He wanted good news too! Very shortly after starting the ultrasound (this early on it had to be a vaginal ultrasound), he said, "there it is" and after only about 5 seconds he said, "and there's a heartbeat!" He looked at me and said, "you did it!"

So amazing! This itty bitty tiny thing inside of me, about the size of a pea, actually has enough of a heartbeat to put out a little blip on the ultrasound screen. So freaking amazing!!

So we are ecstatic. So excited. And in disbelief...it's just not quite real yet!

Our doctor proceeded to congratulate us, hug us, and said he'd see me next Tuesday for my next ultrasound...there could still be a second one... :)

The baby is 2.6mm, it measures one day late at 5 weeks 6 days (so I'm 6 weeks tomorrow, not today, like we originally thought), and my estimated due date is December 17th (Manda's mom's birthday!)

Just to Keep Updating...

Things are continuing to look up!

On Monday I had to go back to be sure my numbers continued to increase after my 87.9 last Thursday.

Monday I was at a 468...

Today I'm at 962!

I go back on Friday, for probably my last every-other-day HCG check. My doctor likes to continue to recheck until I'm at about 1500. Also, my first ultrasound is scheduled for April 29th. That is 13 days away. I'm very excited to actually SEE something on the ultrasound. I know it won't be much, but it will be a lot! And, I made my first appointment with my new obstetrician. That will be the day after my ultrasound, April 30th, for an intake and health history. It seems that everything is falling into place :)

Today, I'm 5 weeks and 1 day along.

A REAL Positive!!...

Yes, it's real. It's real!!!

Holy shit.

I went back to the doctor today to do another blood test. The nurse said that they want to see HCG numbers double every two to three days.

I had a guarded positive, at 30.6.

Two days ago.

Today, I had an 87.9!!!!

It damn near tripled!

Holy shit.

We are sooo happy, sooo excited.

Another appointment on Monday to make sure my numbers continue to go up.

While we were waiting, we got what we've been waiting for :)

A Guarded Positive!!!...

We've waited and waited and waited...the day finally came!

This morning after dropping Amanda off at work, I headed straight down to Ypsilanti for my pregnancy test. They drew my blood, answered a few questions and sent me home. I told them I'd intentionally not answer the phone when they called so that Amanda and I could listen to the news on voicemail together.

At 3:33 this afternoon my phone rang. I looked at it, turned away and prayed. At 4:15 I picked Amanda up at work, we went home, sat on the bed and listened to the Voicemail.

The nurse explained that it was a positive pregnancy test. She said my HCG (pregnancy hormone) was at 30.6. They want it to be 50. So she used the term, "guarded". She said it's a guarded positive :) I have to go back on Thursday to test it again, in hopes that the number continues to go up.

I was totally expecting a drastic yes or a drastic no. I was thinking it was one or the other. I didn't consider something on a "spectrum". So, we're very excited. Very guardedly excited. We don't want to be too happy...yet. But I told you all I'd update :)

Thanks again for all of your support. Please continue positive thoughts and prayers and make these HCG numbers go up!!

No News Yet...

I said I'd write again before my April 8th pregnancy test. I knew I'd have to write before then. I knew I'd have to just scream my heart out on paper...well, it's basically paper.

This last week, my transfer was a week ago today, was as "normal" as it could be. Progesterone shot in the butt every morning, a lot of TV, a lot of phone, Facebook, candy crush, trying to be more careful with what I'm eating, going to mom's this weekend...I'm supposed to be taking it easy right now. I'm not supposed to lift over 10 pounds, not a lot of bending, twisting, no hard work, etc. Usually we hear that, go with it for awhile, and move how we want when we feel like we can.

Not this time. Every time I move I think about a possible baby in my belly. Every time I pick up my...anything. Every time I bend over to...anything. Every time I, well, do anything.

I've done pretty good up until today. I would say up until yesterday but yesterday I was at a Tigers game and that kept me distracted for awhile. Today, I feel crazy. I feel like an insane woman. I am constantly consumed with excitement. Constantly consumed with doubt. Constantly thinking this must be my time. Constantly thinking, hoping, dreaming, praying...silently screaming please please please oh please!

I'm at tears at the snap of, could be anything. I know the hormones have a lot to do with this, but if I were solid while on hormones, it wouldn't be so much like a thin piece of glass breaking.

I've read a lot about the beginning of pregnancy. Since my first IUI I've had several books. While waiting for results of my IUIs, I read obsessively. Every day re-reading pages about the earliest signs of pregnancy, considering how many of those signs and symptoms I have. This time, I've looked at the books only a few times. I think that has helped me keep my mind off of baby stuff for a few minutes each day. My doctor also gave me a sheet about what I may or may not experience if I am or am not pregnant.

Things I know for sure: I had a lot of cramping for several days after my transfer and continue to have cramping but more mild than last week. I am very emotional; happy, sad, mad, every other minute. My boobs hurt.

Things I think are happening, but may be in my head: I think my nose is working overtime, detecting every stinky thing and hating that it stinks. Having slight nausea over weird things that don't usually bother me; dog smell, thinking about eating too much of anything, or a lot of meats. Sleeping a lot. Peeing a lot.

Things I know are not happening: No sign of implantation spotting (many women don't have this), I'm not feeling bloated.

Every doctor will say it's too early to know. Every doctor will say every pregnancy is different. So even with these symptoms or lack of, nobody knows. NOBODY KNOWS. UGH.

I'm on a roller coaster, changing direction every second. Up, down, positive, negative, yes, no. It's midnight now, I can officially check off another day of waiting. Two more to go.

I did find out that after observation, we have 4 embryos left. They are frozen for a later decision. It's good to know they are there for backup...and I really really hope we won't need them for backup.

One part of all of this, to protect myself, is to decide a few things before I know.
-Amanda will be with me when I find out.
-No matter the result, our moms will know first.
-I'm allowed to have time to "digest" things before announcing anything.

This is an unusual circumstance in that most people get pregnant and wait to tell family and friends until it's a viable pregnancy. But because we've chosen to be very open about our journey, it means everyone knows exactly where we stand and knows we have news coming soon. So I ask that you please be patient with us. If it's good news, trust us, you'll hear about it. I'm sure I'll blog about it, send some text messages, make some phone calls, and perhaps put something on Facebook. If it's good news, we must all remember to be cautious, and remember it's very early and a lot can happen in twelve weeks. Most importantly, for now, I'm going with, "no news is bad news." If it's bad news, I may still want to write, text, call, etc. but I can't know for sure. So please, be patient with us. We love you all and thank you for all of the support, wonderful words, and always needed hugs.

While we were waiting we had dinner with my grandma and aunt, we went to an awesome, memorable Tigers game, and we just plain waited. While we were waiting...we waited.