Moving Forward...

Aren't we always moving forward? Sometimes it seems like we're moving faster than other times. We've got many countdowns going in life right now...

1. Christmas is only 4 days away! In my last post I expressed my frustration with the holidays this year...and here they are!

2. My wonderful, full-of-memories Ben Franklin Store will be closing, for good, in 7 days. So sad, so so sad. It's the end of an era! We continue to joke about things...especially stupid customers, but the truth is that is what holds us together at this time.

3. My IVF baseline blood test and ultrasound is scheduled for January 7th. That is very soon!!

Since my last post I've been busy. Haven't we all been busy?! I ordered most of the drugs I will need for my IVF. My doctor advised me, without advising me, to order them from a company in England because they will be about half the price. I wired money to England, at the cheap "half price" of $3,766...! Yeah, that's the "cheap" price! I'm nearly speechless at this price. That's ONLY for medications. That's ONLY for 3 medications. Injections that will happen every day for roughly 2 weeks.

And insurance won't cover a dime.

I had an appointment on the 13th. They called this an "IVF lecture". Amanda and I went and we sat in a room with a nurse as she explained everything there is to know about IVF. It was really good. It was helpful. It put things into perspective. It made this real.

We received a calendar, tailored to me. It includes what days to take birth control pills, what days all my appointments will be, when I am to start injectable medications, the week of my egg retrieval...wow!!

I was told things like, "this medication will make you produce a lot of eggs. Maybe as many as 15. You'll feel full. I've had women come in already looking 3 months pregnant because their ovaries were so full."

And, "we use a needle and actually inject the egg with a sperm."

And, "the spot where you inject the progesterone in oil will be quite sore."

So, we got lots of information. After the transfer (when they put the fertilized embryo into my uterus) I will be on bed rest for 2 days. I think the most "painful" part of all of this will be after that. The waiting to see if it worked (See my post titled, "the dreaded two week wait").

My next appointment was yesterday, the 19th. I had a hysterosonogram. Also called a water sonogram. This is a procedure that I take ibuprofen, an antibiotic and valium before it begins. They fill my uterus with a saline solution via a catheter through my cervix. Then they do a vaginal ultrasound while my uterus feels like it will burst. The doctor is looking to make sure that i don't have any abnormalities that will interfere with implantation. He says that I have a small uterus which isn't a big issue. He says my uterus is tilted backwards which only means that when he does the egg retrieval (I'll be under anesthesia) he will have to attach a string to my cervix so that he can manipulate it when transferring the embryo back in... My cervix will be a puppet!! Other than those 2 minor things...it was normal! So again, we're moving forward.

Merry Christmas to you all!!

While we were waiting we enjoyed the holiday season, we got to see my brother graduate with an electrical engineering degree from Western Michigan University, and we took in our last days at the family store.

And So It Begins...

Again. And so it begins again. On November 17th, ironically my one year anniversary of marrying my amazing wife, I took my first birth control pill. I know this seems counter-productive to what we are trying to accomplish, but its part of the process. They put me on birth control pills to make me regular and so they can have full control over my uterus and eggs and such.

Tonight I'm feeling like a crazy person. This is often normal, as I state in my info at the top of my blog, I'm an "obsessive" person. One of those days that I think too much about what's going on. I tried unloading on my calendar, I tried making lists, I even tried talking to my mom via text. Nothing worked! I hate laying in bed, wide awake, with my brain just churning away.

So, here I am. Ultimately, I am so excited and so scared and so impatient for IVF. I wish it was January now. I wish I was past the uncomfortable procedure. I wish I was past the dreaded two week wait. I wish I just knew that it would happen and we'd have a healthy baby. With all this wishing for time to pass, I'm feeling mad at the holidays. They are just an annoyance I have to get through to get to January. To get to that one appointment. To get through the dreaded two week wait. I'm finding myself thinking about all the obligations and expectations I have in the next thirty days or so. Yes, obligations and expectations. I have to shop. I have to shop some more. I have to grocery shop. I have to plan food. I have to cook. I have to bake. I have to drive. I have to spend all this money. And more money. And some more money. Just to get to January. I hate feeling like this! I really don't like putting it on "paper" and making myself sound like a prude or a Grinch or just a cold person.

Because I'm not those things. I know, deep in my heart, that I love the holidays. I LOVE them! But this year is hard. I had a much needed conversation with my immediate family, including my wife and my brothers long-term girlfriend, about Christmas. I had to say it as plainly as I could- I love you guys so much, I love giving gifts, but this year we need to make Christmas about family and food and being together because I need to buy a baby. And they were cool. They totally get it. They are on board. Of course they are, why wouldn't they be? But I needed to have that conversation so they knew where I was. So they knew that it was important to me to spend time with them during the holidays. So they know that I love them even though I can't spend hundreds on them this year.

Whew. I felt so much better after this conversation. It's not like they didn't know that I was doing this IVF thing. It's more like I had to admit that I am not super woman. I had to admit that I didn't have an endless bank account. It's like I had to admit a weakness. And I have a really hard time admitting my weaknesses.

So, on my way home, after seeing them all, I talked to Amanda on the phone almost the whole way. She was in the car right behind me the whole way. We talked about when we were going to whos houses for which holidays. We talked about what dinner dishes we were making for Thanksgiving. We talked about what desserts we were making for Christmas. We talked about what crafts we are bringing to a Christmas party. And we talked about what few gifts we are going to buy. And it all sounds do-able. In fact, it sounds like a good time. I'm actually looking forward to these times, instead of just waiting for them to pass.

I know that some of this sounds awful, the holiday time is supposed to be the best time of the year. And it is. It still is. It's just a little bit different this year. It's more focused on family. It's more focused on what really matters.  Besides, how can I start a family of my own if I don't realize the importance of the one I've already got?

While we were waiting we pushed past the negativity felt by the holidays, we realized the importance of the presence rather than the presents, and we made a valuable point that the title "while we were waiting..." really means we must focus on and enjoy events in life. All of the events.

Going "Public"...

Well, you see, a blog is already public. I'm aware of that. But, this time I'm posting it to Amanda's Facebook page.

First, I must mention that I hate Facebook. I've always said I hated Facebook. It's the annoying things, the religious things, the political things, the "I'm now sad because I wish I was there/with that person/doing that thing", the time it takes up in life. But, I must also mention, embarrassingly, that I'm on Amanda's Facebook page daily. Multiple times a day. It's a weakness. And I hate it! But I'm not giving in so much as to get my own page.

Second, sometimes it's easier to write when I'm thinking about an audience. My past posts may have a little different voice as I wasn't writing to anyone exactly. You are welcome to read my past posts, they may just be different than this one (maybe that's all in my head too!)

I've been going back and forth trying to decide how open I wanted to be with all of this baby making stuff. I just didn't know. I didn't know how many people wanted to hear about my periods, about my cycles, about my hormones, my hysterosalpingogram (HSG), my emotions, my... You get the point. But then I realized that there could be someone else out there feeling alone, feeling stuck, feeling unsure, and that maybe my words would speak to them.
Also, I can't reach out for support from those I love if nobody knows what's going on.

So here I am. Of course my wife is involved just as much as I am, but I often say "I". So here I may leave it all. It might be really personal, it might be a little graphic, it might be plain or silly. Please, comment as you wish, ask questions that may come up, but please, please be kind.

While we we're waiting we admitted our weakness to Facebook, we decided that it was ok to bare it all to our friends and family, and we went "public".

After A Break...

I think it's been about two and a half months since I posted. I think that qualifies as a "break". A lot has happened lately, but most significantly would be the passing of my grandpa. Of course there is never anything good to say about people we love dying, but I know he isn't suffering anymore. I know he's at "The Next Place" :-) (if you haven't read that book, I'd recommend it...I got my copy from a cousin "in law", and it was one of the sweetest gestures during all of this.)
Also, about two months before my grandpa passed, he made the decision to close the Ben Franklin store. So, that's been the majority of my time...working to close the family business. It's sad. It's really, really sad. I'm very sad that my children will never know the store like I know the store. They will never have that place to run up and down the aisles, to get any color poster board they may want for their school project, or to earn their very first paycheck. But, just like everything else, we shall move on. We shall move on, appreciating the things we do still have, and the people we still have.

Well, in our attempt to move on, we've continued to talk about baby making. We made an appointment for October 22nd to discuss IVF. And we went. And we left feeling a little overwhelmed, but we got some answers we were wanting.

So, here we go! Beginning November after my period starts, I will start taking birth control pills. Sometime before the beginning of the year I will have to order all my hormone drugs (more about this in another post!), have a water sonogram to be sure there aren't any abnormalities in my uterus, do a mock transfer to be sure the catheter for the transfer of the embryos isn't to large for my cervix, and schedule the IVF lecture at the fertility clinic. The next few months are not only busy, but will move fast! I'll continue to post as we move along in our journey. First step, get my birth control prescription filled and call the doctor to ask about the hormone medication prescriptions.

While we were waiting we appreciated the people and things we are still lucky enough to have, we worked hard to help at the family business and "we" turned 29 on October 30th :)

A Break...

Wow! It's been over a month since I've written here... Is that a good sign or bad sign?? Well, I've been busy. We've been busy.

After my last post I had an appointment with my fertility doctor to discuss our next steps. Amanda was unable to go, so my mom came along with me. There is something about going to these appointments alone. I think it would be really hard to go alone. It's like, if I don't have enough support for the doctor appointment, then how the hell will I have enough support when I have a kid?! It may sound irrational, but that's how it feels. Anyway, I went to my appointment and was given disappointing information. My doctor told me that after three times of trying the IUI, my chances are drastically diminished. Basically, if it hasn't happened yet, it's not going to. Now, I've had a statistics course, and got a 4.0 in the class, and don't completely agree with this statement. EACH time I try an IUI, the chances are equal to the last time, or the next time, I try. It's like flipping a penny. Every time you flip a penny, the chances of getting heads or tails is the same. The outcome is not affected by the last flip. I think RESEARCH has suggested that if it hasn't happened yet, it's likely not going to, but it doesn't have to do with chance. So, what do I say to this?? I know what's next. IVF is next.

IVF, a procedure costing somewhere in the neighborhood of $13,000. $13,000! Thirteen thousand dollars. My car was only 6. Rent for a whole year is like 8. I can hardly comprehend this number. The chances (or more accurately, research shows) are much better with IVF, but still only 70%. I can't comprehend spending $13,000 (!) And then it NOT working. Not only would I be devastated for not getting pregnant but I'd be out $13,000. Holy shit.

So, my next question was something like, "can I try it again anyway?" He said he would do anything I wanted. So I proceeded to get my prescriptions, info, etc., for doing the same process a fourth time.

In the meantime, we talked about our options a little bit. We took this whole moving to Lansing thing seriously and have been packing and moving. The process of the IUI begins when my period starts. On my first day I am to call and schedule my midcycle ultrasound and order my sperm. My first day came and went. So did my second, third, etc. We just decided to not do the stress of getting pregnant and the stress of moving all at the same time.

It's interesting how clear-headed I have felt this last month. With the exception of the 2 "stoned" days during my period, I have felt good. I have been aware of my body and what it's telling me. I have been able to stay strong and organized through the moving. I didn't realize how much the hormones affected me until I wasn't on them.

So, moving is going well. Baby making is on hold, but only for a short time. And if we try again with no luck, I'm not sure what we can do, or when we can do it. This is when I wish I had rich grandparents I could borrow money from. Or that it was morally ok to start my own fundraiser for baby money. Or that it was just easy to stumble across thousands of dollars. Or, that health insurance would just cover the costs of fertility doctors! I could go on a rant here, but I won't. I'm just going to say that it makes me so mad, so sad, and feel so stuck, that I can't just have health insurance to help. Instead, I have to be a middle class lesbian not willing to jeopardize her marriage for a bit of sperm the old fashioned way. And I have to pay $13,000 for a 70% chance at getting pregnant. Hmph.

While we were waiting we moved into a super cute house in Lansing, felt what it was like to be clear-headed again, and attempted to evaluate our finances in relation to $13,000 (!).

The Fourth of July...

Here I am, sitting on my balcony, at 10:30 at night on the fourth of July. I'll admit, today has been really tough. I have these days, I refer to them as my "bipolar" days. I'm not intentionally mocking the actual bipolar disorder, but as a psychology degree holder, I feel it's acceptable to use the term.

Last Friday I began to see some spotting when I went to the bathroom. This makes me think several things: maybe this is implantation spotting and I could be pregnant, maybe this is the start of my period and I'm not pregnant, or the trickier one, maybe this is just spotting and I could be pregnant anyway. Lots of women have spotting when they are pregnant. So I continued to see spotting Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and into Tuesday. Monday afternoon I had a doctor appointment for unrelated stuff and asked if they could do a blood test for me to see if I'm pregnant. They were more than happy to, and informed me that if I didn't hear from them by Wednesday afternoon to call them for the results. More waiting. Of course. Isn't that the norm at this point??

Tuesday morning I woke up in pain. And I mean PAIN. I haven't had this much pain from my period (or anything!) in a couple months. I was miserable. I moved slowly to get ready for work, did the bare minimum, ate a granola bar and took 1000 mg of Tylenol, and drove to my moms to go to work. On my way, I called my doctor and said, "I totally don't expect you to have the results of my test yet, but I'm in a lot of pain and don't know if it's ok to take my menstrual cramp medication because I might be pregnant. What do I do??" She was so nice to me on the phone and asked me to hold on for a minute. She came back with the results... She said it came back as a 2. A 2 means not pregnant or pre-menopausal. I thanked her for checking and got off the phone.

I cried. I was driving down Hill road crying. Crying because I hurt so bad. My cramps were killing me. I was sad that once again I'm not pregnant. So I called my wife. And I cried to her. She can only say or do so much over the phone, but her voice telling me she was so sorry and she wished she could be here to hug me was comforting. She calmed me down enough to make it safer for me to drive, and I continued to my moms house.

The rest of Tuesday and most of Wednesday I was in a stoned stupor. I take an Oxycodone (Percocet) and a Promethazine (for nausea) every four hours to keep the pain of my cramps tolerable. Not gone, but tolerable. This is good to not be in so much pain, but it's difficult to function in life high on pills all day.

Amanda took me to see fireworks in Lansing yesterday, and my mom, Logan and Ashley came along too. It was a lot of fun. We ate at Logans roadhouse for dinner and saw fireworks after. Amanda said she knew fireworks were important to me, knew she couldn't take me tonight, so wanted to go last night. She really is an amazing woman who loves me more than the world.

So, as I look back on today, feeling bitter about not getting a vacation like everyone else, not being pregnant like everyone else (as it seems), not going to see fireworks on the Fourth of July like everyone else, I see something different.

I'm sitting on my balcony watching my own fireworks. MY balcony that I pay for. That I am lucky to have. I'm able to say that I have a Psychology degree, and am able to pull information from my brain so that life makes a little bit of sense. I'm lucky to have the opportunity to try to get pregnant. Lucky to have the money to try. Lucky to have a partner willing to try just as hard and stand by me through the tough times. Lucky to have people in my life who love me-no matter what. Yesterday I was able to see my brother. He's so important to me, I'm lucky to have such an amazing brother. Lucky to have all the little things, that might not be little things to others.

So as I sit here, on my balcony, writing a blog on my smartphone, I realize that while I'm waiting for something big, I really need to slow down so I don't miss the small things.

While we were waiting we slowed down so we could see the small things in life.

The Dreaded Two Week Wait (2WW)...

Alright, the ultrasound on June 14th went great! I had 3 "beautiful follicles" this time. I totally love that my doctor calls them beautiful. That's like being told everything is "glorious" at your yearly pap smear ;-)

So, I was told to do the trigger shot (force ovulation) at precisely 9pm the next night (Saturday), and come back for insemination on Monday, June 17th at 9am. Now, if you know us, the 17th has always been a special date. We started dating August 17th, Manda's birthday is October 17th, we were married on November 17th, so now we inseminate on June 17th. I think it's a good, powerful number :)

We decided to change our donor this time. The first one didn't work the first two times, so we tried a different one. This one had even more swimmers, 120 million (!), and a higher motility. Good thing we tried someone new!

So, we inseminated Monday morning. Just as the first time was super difficult, so was this one. The first nurse had to get a second nurse. The second nurse had a hard time and had to "re-arrange" the speculum several times. Then she had to go up a size in the speculum. I'm sure you're cringing by now! But, eventually she got it just in the right place. Afterwards, she tilted the table in hopes to tip the sperm in the right direction, and I laid on the table for 40 minutes. Both new things, so I'm hoping they worked in our favor.

Afterwards, they send us home and say something about hoping to see us for a pregnancy test in two weeks.

Now, I've done this 3 times. The first time I was a crazy mess the ENTIRE two weeks. The second time I was cool for a couple days, then became a crazy mess. This time, believe it or not, I was cool for a whole week. But now, I turn into a crazy mess. It's Tuesday, insemination was last Monday. In a perfect two weeks, I'd know something by next Monday. But, a couple things could happen:
-I could start my period before then;
-I could be too impatient and take a test before then.

At this point in the dreaded two week wait I'm trying to find anything i can to keep my mind busy: working, crochet or any other craft ideas, walking, watching movies all day long, working, sleeping, writing blog posts (however this doesn't exactly keep my mind off baby thoughts), playing games on my phone, working... You get the point. It's pretty much impossible to not think about.

I'm constantly going over things in my head including: do i really have nausea? Is it hormone meds or pregnancy? Why do i have a super nose? Is it real or imagined? Do my boobs hurt? Or do they not hurt? I'm constantly going back and forth between the optimistic I must be pregnant, to the pessimistic I must not be pregnant. THIS DRIVES ME INSANE!!!!

At this point, I'm not sure exactly what date to expect, or not expect, my period. Somewhere around this Saturday or Sunday, I think. But I'll be in touch.

While we were waiting we worked, crocheted, watched lots of movies, played a lot on my phone, and made final plans to pack and move to Lansing!!

Negative again...

So, have you ever heard of "implantation spotting"? I hadn't, until I began this journey. When i googled "the very first signs of pregnancy", i came across all the things you would think of: missed period, sore breasts, nausea, exhaustion. But i also saw things about implantation spotting. The confusing thing is that this spotting happens at about the same time as your period would be due to start. Last Thursday, i had some spotting. Just as they say i might. I wasn't due to start until Sunday, June 2nd, so i thought this might be a good sign. I only spotted for a few hours. Friday i had nothing. I started to get more excited thinking this might be it!

Saturday morning we just couldn't wait any longer to take a test. So we did. It was early, about 6, because we had to be on the road at about 7. We do the test, lock it in the bathroom for 5 minutes in hoping it will develop into something amazing. Then we come back and there is only 1 line. Only 1 line, just like last time.

What do we do now?? I don't mean next in life, i mean at this very second that we only see 1 line. Shrug our shoulders and say maybe next time? Hug each other knowing we still have each other no matter what? Cry? The answer is yes. We do all of those. The rush of emotions at this time is intense. I can't begin to explain the rising and rising and rising of emotion in the last 2 weeks. The lack of sleep, the crazy high stress level, not to mention the hormones surging through me. It is so unbelievable, then to have it fall. Fall straight down like falling off a cliff.

I'll tell you, one of the main reasons i wanted to wait until Saturday to test, was because i knew Saturday would be a fun day. I didn't want to test then go to work. It would have been a sad day to work if we had gotten a negative. So i thought, let's test on a fun day, then if it's negative we still have something fun planned for the day! That's one of the best ideas I've had :) We had a fun day at a cousins dance recital and then had lunch with family afterward. It was comforting to have the focus on others while still being with family.

So, i had my period, and called my doctor first thing on Monday morning. They allowed me to go ahead with another cycle right away without waiting to see the doctor. So on Monday, day 3 of my cycle, i started taking Clomid again. I'll take it for 5 days hoping to make 4 more beautiful follicles :) My midcycle ultrasound is scheduled for next Friday, June 14th.

But for now, we wait!

While we were waiting we enjoyed some time with family, managed to catch a cold, and am in bed for the day.

They say third time's a charm, don't they?!?!

The second time around...

Alright, it's been awhile, but it's time for an update. On May 16th we went back to the doctor for my midcycle ultrasound. I learned that I had four, let me repeat, FOUR dominate follicles. Now doesn't that defeat the word dominate?! That gives me four chances. Four chances to ovulate, four chances to be fertilized, four chances for implantation. Sounds good, right?? The doctor was pleased and scheduled me for insemination a couple days later, on Saturday. Thursday night, Amanda had to give me an injection of hCG, called a "trigger" shot to force me to ovulate. That was really rough for her!! She held it together until after the shot, then she cried. She had a really difficult time "hurting" me although she knows that shots are no big deal for me. It's a good thing we don't have to do that everyday.

Saturday morning we had to be at the doctors at 9:45. We arrived with plenty of time and got in pretty quick. This insemination was done by a doctor i have never met, who had read my chart ahead of time, and assured me that this would be quick, easy, and gentle. He was so nice about everything! The whole thing took about 30 minutes and that includes emptying my bladder, undressing, the procedure, and the 20 minute wait laying on the table after the insemination.

So now we wait...
And wait...

While we were waiting I was able to display my fabric art in the artwalk during the Durand railroad days. It was a really neat experience. It's very empowering to have complete strangers compliment your work. I enjoyed it, i had an offer from the art store next door asking me to sell/display my artwork in their place. I've been thinking a lot about that and can't decide if that's what i want to do. I enjoy creating art, i like to look at it when it's completed, but I'm just not sure if i want to wholly commit to truly doing it. I'm still working on that in my head, so we'll see.

As this past Saturday rolled around, it's been a week. We had a very busy weekend, full of fun! It helps to take our mind away from constant hoping. We were in Frankenmuth, Holly, Grand Blanc, and Auburn Hills this weekend. And I'm not kidding when i say... Pregnant women and newborn babies are stalking me! They are EVERYWHERE. I hope it's just a good sign.

So today, Monday, May 27th, Memorial Day, we are at day 259 of 280 days. (it starts on the first day of my period). My period would start a week from yesterday, June 2nd. I'm not sure when we are taking a test yet. According to my really cool day by day pregnancy book, today the zygote is firmly embedded into my uterus.

So let's hope, pray, and keep positive thoughts for the next few days.

While we were waiting we did lots of fun stuff in several different cities, took a leap outside of my comfort zone with art, and tried really hard to not simply lose our minds.

Follow up...

On April 30th we had our follow up appointment to find out about the hysteroscopy I had. The doctor said that if he didn't know that i had endometriosis and if he hadn't seen ultrasounds that look like i have a small uterus, he would say that everything looks normal. He said my uterus looks normal :) He is no longer concerned about this size or shape. Endometriosis will always be a concern, but not a big one. So...good news! I have a normal uterus! He gave us the ok to try intrauterine insemination (IUI) again. This time he doubled my dose of clomid, which will make me produce more eggs, also increasing the likelihood of having twins. And he put me on Metformin, a drug usually used to regulate blood sugar of diabetic people. He says there is literature to show that using clomid and metformin together will increase the likelihood of getting pregnant. So I'm trying it! So this month looks like this:
-Day 1 of my cycle, first day of my period: Monday, May 6th
-Day 3, today, May 8th i start taking Clomid.
-I take Clomid for 5 days.
-My midcycle ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday at 9am. They will look at my ovaries to see if there are any dominant follicles. A dominant follicle is basically an egg ready to be "dispersed" into the fallopian tube.

So, we'll see! Now we wait for the ultrasound ;) In the meantime, we will be working, living life, and enjoying the beautiful weather!

The beginning...

Amanda and I have been traveling a fertility journey. So I've been thinking that I'd like to document this journey. When we see people that we love, we are often asked "how's it going" and I really don't mind talking about all of this (don't be afraid to ask me any questions!) but I thought we could keep everyone in our loop if we started a blog about our adventure. It's also a healthy thing for me to journal about what we've done.
First, this first post will be long because I'd like to start at the beginning. The rest of my posts shouldn't be so long.
Second, I apologize if I don't follow all of the appropriate "blog etiquette" as I've never done this before.
And lastly, please comment, ask questions, and enjoy :)

Amanda and I have always known that we wanted to have children and that it was going to be a long process for us. Not only are we lacking in the male physiology, but I struggle with Endometriosis. So not long after getting married, we just jumped right in! Our very first appointment was on January 2nd, 2013, at IVF Michigan in Flint. We met with an IVF doctor and we discussed the possibility of me having blocked fallopian tubes (requires a procedure), how my endometriosis plays a role, the process to getting pregnant, genetic testing, hormone testing, and ultrasounds. He was awful! No emotion, he didn't seem to care at all. We got very few answers from him. When we were done talking with the doctor, we talked with a nurse who was 100% better at answering our questions, and pointed us in the right direction.
In the month of January I had all of my hormones tested (all came back normal!), i had genetic testing done and learned that I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis (which is ok because all sperm is also tested for that) and a carrier for a VERY rare disease (only 100 people in the world have been diagnosed with this) called Meckel-Gruber Syndrome type 1 (a risk we will just have to take), I had a hysterosalpingogram which looks at the uterine cavity and fallopian tubes (my fallopian tubes are not blocked!), and a saline ultrasound to closely look at my ovaries and uterine cavity (after the ultrasound the doctor was concerned that I might have a small uterus, a fibroid, or both. The test was labeled "inconclusive").
On February 12th we had our follow up appointment at IVF Michigan in Ypsilanti. We learned that the Flint office doesn't "deal with donor sperm" so we had to see a different doctor. We were so relieved to have a new doctor! We met with Doctor Shamma in Ypsilanti and he was fantastic. He was very knowledgeable, very understanding, and very willing to do what we wanted. We decided that we wanted to first try Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and i literally said, "I just want to wing it!" And the doctor replied, "ok, let's wing it!" He did an ultrasound that day and showed some concern about the size and shape of my uterus but said we could try a round of IUI before doing any more expensive tests. So this is what the process looked like:
-A month of birth control pills to make me have a regular cycle.
-Day 1: period starts
On this day we are to call the office and tell them who we selected from the list of donor sperm. Yes, it's exactly as you imagine it, it lists the man's race, ancestry, blood type, eye color, hair color, height, body build, skin tone, education/occupation, and interests. This list seems to be a point of humor for everyone, including us! It's just so stereotypical of what you'd see in the movies. (to tell you the truth, the whole sperm thing in general had lead to NUMEROUS hilarious conversions!)
-Day 3-7: Take Clomid, a drug that makes me produce more eggs than usual. This is the drug that gives us a 20% chance of having twins.
-Day 12, 13, or 14: Mid-cycle ultrasound to look at my ovaries to see if there are eggs to be released. If there are eggs, we move to the next step.
-evening of the ultrasound: Use injectable HCG, which is the hormone that makes me ovulate.
- 36 hours after the HCG injection: Travel to IVF Michigan in Rochester Hills for insemination!

We went through this whole process from day 1 on March 13th to insemination on March 28th. Then we waited...

And waited...

And waited...

And then after losing our minds, going crazy, obsessing, taking 2 pregnancy tests, living the longest 2 weeks of our lives... My period started. Now what???

We went back to the doctor and he recommended a hysteroscopy (a very minor surgical procedure to put a camera through my cervix and actually see what my uterus looks like). I had that hysteroscopy on Friday April 19th. It was pretty easy, quick recovery. We had a follow up appointment on April 30th... That's my next post :)

An epiphany I've had since the start of all of this is to stop waiting. This is a hurry up and wait journey. If we are constantly waiting for the next thing, we are going to miss the things happening now! So if I can control my head at all, we are going to take this one day at a time, and enjoy each and every day. Maybe not every single thing of each day, but there will be something good about every day :)

So, while we were waiting, we started a blog!